New Week, New Worries
Monday, 30 June 2014

It is now 0605, Monday morning. I am still at the Get-Go in Bedford, having been here since Friday afternoon.

I fizzled on the computer Sunday morning, having dozed off several times Saturday night watching movies. I went for a long walk in the warm summer air of Ohio, though I could feel some moisture and cooler air in the offing. The brisk walk helped clear my head and allow me to refocus, but I am still exhausted. I missed 3 calls from C on Friday night, she had attempted to fix the leak in her tub so that I could come over and bathe, and she had some fresh red meat to make us steaks, but I left several voice mails up until after the buses stopped running for the night with no response. She said she only had 1 message on her phone, and thought I had made other arrangements with someone else.

So, I nodded off while working on the Leon Uris novel I started Thursday, sitting outside on the heavy metal cafe furniture here at Get-Go. After about 30 minutes, my bony butt starts to hurt, and when I stand, my legs are usually asleep. Even after elevating my legs and napping, I wake up stiff, sore, and even more tired than when I nodded off in the first place!

My friend James seems to have mastered this, sleeping fitfully for hours at a time. But then he had a bad night Saturday night, and on Sunday morning went to Bedford Medical Center with his legs stiff and swollen with fluids. He was miserable!

Hopefully a few days bedrest with IV Lasix and 4 heart healthy meals a day will reinstate him back to his old self. He has been a steady regular here for over a year, and has been my mentor in navigating the .gov services like SSA and Food Stamps.

He only just recently was awarded his hard earned SSD benefits, only to have uncle Sam announce that he had some outstanding college tuition loans, and they are deducting payments from his monthly SSD check, making a tiny initial amount into a paltry few dollars!

This poor man cannot feed himself on $187/month with his EBT card, and still has no home or bed on which to rest his weary bones! My God this man is  US Combat Veteran! But he is being left by the wayside, and he refuses to play the games the VA wants him play for almost no benefits in return.

But this man is so unselfish and resigned to his fate, that he watched 3 weeks ago while I patiently nursed a single sweet iced tea here at Get-Go for 48 hours, before he offered to buy us both a sandwich and chips to share with his new EBT card. I ate for the first time in 4 days!

In spite of the odds against him, and the other issues he has been facing, he maintains a good attitude and is one of the more calmer souls I have ever met, who chooses not to worry about anything beyond his 3' personal zone. He figures why get worked up about things you cannot change, and why poison yourself with stress unnecessarily!

Well, I have quoted him on the subject of women in my rough draft for my guide to relationships with women for idiots. He does have a wisdom that comes of personal experience and learning!

I wish him well, and would ask that all reading this, extend a prayer for him, and all others like him battling their own personal wars with hunger, homelessness, and health problems!

My appointment with the Psychiatrist for SSA is this Wednesday at noon, and after discussing my current status with C last night, she was amazed that I still have not been contacted by County Services about emergency food stamp benefits, she suggested that I not go there in person until after my shrink appointment, because she is afraid that I will "go off" on the staff at County, and get my pale white ass arrested, thereby missing my appointment with the SS MD and losing my chance at @ my SS benefits I have been waiting over 8 months for!

I reassured her that as angry and frustrated as I am at the people at County Services and their piss poor and rude attitude towards me, I would not go off nor do anything to jeopardize my opportunity to collect my SS or other benefits by reacting in any kind of anti-social manner! She wasn't buying it.

Yet, I endured bullies growing up in grade school (my daddy, a thorough pacifist had taught me how to fight back and stand my ground rather than give in to people who were truly lesser than me and were only envious of my strength and intelligence which was why they picked on me-I was able to confirm this as an adult dealing with adult bullies in the form of bad bosses & the like), sadistic NCOs and training cadre in Military Training at College and on Military Bases, bad officers in an 18 year law enforcement career, and of course crooked building contractors in the construction industry the last 3 decades! I learned to handle all of them by being the better person, keeping my cool, remaining a professional, and not stooping to their level.

I had union goons threatening my life, and contract superintendents circulating petitions to have me thrown off jobs, but I held my ground, did my job, and prevailed in my purpose of seeing the project through and completed to specifications!

("Yes, sir,  I know you aren't happy about this, but that is the way the job must be done per the contract you signed. No sir, I cannot modify that. only the Engineer of Record can approve any engineering changes. Yes sir, if you wish to contact the engineer, you may request changes. No sir, I cannot approve anything without the engineer's stamp of approval. Sir, you may threaten to do anything you wish to me, but I will not sign  off on any modification without the engineer's  OK. Yes, sir, if you proceed anyway, I will not stop you. However, I will include all details and changes made in my daily report. How do spell you last name, sir? I do not wish to misspell it while giving credit for any modifications made... )

Hell, I had fewer problems arresting suspects who were resisting arrest, and only wanted to physically hurt me for stopping them during the commission of  a felony! (Every perp I ever cuffed, insisted that I had no right to restrain him, and that he was innocent! Yet except for some college boys arrested on campus, every arrestee I ever handled, turned out to have a rap sheet of previous arrests and convictions! Imagine that!)

I have been threatened with physical harm by union BAs & Foremen , from the international Laborer's Union locals, carpenters & millwrights, Iron Workers, Electricians, cement finishers, masons, longshoremen, painters, plasterers, glaziers, plumbers, TV technicians, paper handlers, teamsters, and even roofers! (But never the Operating Engineers or Pilepigs!) I have been threatened with censure and my job by presidents of construction companies, Superintendents, construction managers, project engineers and managers, owner's reps, physical plant managers, publishers, business owners, clients, local building inspectors, consulting engineers, architects, suppliers, politicians, mobsters, law enforcement officials, real estate developers, investors, common thugs, displaced homeless persons, railroad officials, transit officials, state inspectors, federal inspectors, county officials, township trustees, property managers, and zoo officials!

Yet I was never removed from a job, replaced, or disciplined for anything they accused me of. I never lost my temper, never raised my voice, never even had to leave in a huff! When things were going south on a site, and I saw no recourse, I merely called the office, explained what was up, and if there was no resolving it over the phone, I would be recalled to the office, the client advised of the situation, and the job effectively shut down for the day.

(ie: While at the Ohio Savings Bank Garage project at E-4th and Euclid (two 8 story lightweight concrete post tension garage decks), working for OSB, and Donley's as the concrete contractor, I was their whipping boy, with Donley's personnel blaming me for every problem from construction delays (the project started with the schedule 2 weeks behind) to concrete trucks arriving on site out of spec (I rejected between 10-15% of total loads delivered by Collinwood Concrete & Shale Brick, this having been one of their last projects before closing their doors forever!), and the concrete mixes approved by the structural engineer being un pumpable!

Donley's had put together a petition calling for my being removed from the project, but I did not discover this until I spoke with Ray Painter, the Turner Construction Sup't running the job, when Mike, our department manager was promoted to regional manager out of the Columbus office, and Chris (my first manager and now Exec VP) was cc'ed on all of the project emails, and called me into his office to find out why I was being MFed do much in official emails by Donley's personnel! Being pressed for time that Friday morning with a large concrete pour pending, I told Chris he should call Ray to get an explanation, and that I would see him at the end of the day. Chris was frantic, as Donley's is one of the biggest concrete contractors in the region.

I asked Ray if could take a few minutes to call Chris and reassure him that I hadn't bungled anything, and answer his questions. Ray said he would, and then asked if I had heard about the petition?

I stopped and said no. He laughed, and told me everyone from Donley's assigned to the project had signed it, including their Cleveland Office managers and engineers!

I was flabbergasted! I asked Ray if that meant I would be removed from the project. He laughed again, and said no! Turner and OSB were very pleased with me, and were even more pleased that I was pissing off Donley's!

He said he would call Chris and bring him up to date, and for me to keep up the great work!)

So again, I have survived bullying contractors, abusive superintendents, and unions, corrupt building practices, mob run projects and impossible odds without compromising my integrity nor ever losing my temper! In fact I was assigned to take over several projects for other PSI inspectors who had had run ins with the contractors or clients to finish their jobs without further conflict!

Yet County Services somehow seem to push my buttons with no compunction! We will see how this plays out. I plan on going to the library today, so that I can check my PO Box, and get some peace and quiet. I think I will call my case worker again to say I am worried about the now 2 weeks since getting a PO Box, and still no contact from County Services! That way, I won't have to speak to anyone, and risk losing my cool as C is convinced I will!

On a completely different tack, I have been contemplating the theft of all of my competitive shooting gear, including my National Match AR-15A2 rifle I had built in 2007. I had casually asked one of the Maple Heights Police Officers recently about whether they had any leads on the April 2013 break in of my locked, unmarked trailer secured at the Redi-Storage facility. He confessed that they had a solid suspect in the crime, but no evidence to get a search or arrest warrant.

Well, that puts me out $6,600 in personal gear (tactical, competitive, and personal) and 3 long guns. The only consolation is that the AR is a tight tolerance competitive rifle, and it will not reliably cycle GI or commercial ammo, only precision loaded Match rounds in the .223 Wylde chamber! The scoped Remington 700 in .22-250 Remington is fairly obtuse and not a common caliber found on the streets of urban Cleveland, but my Winchester 1300 short barreled .12 gauge pump shotgun is another story! Especially as they also took the sealed USGI ammo can of Federal .12 gauge OO Buck (175 rounds) that I had placed in the trailer the week before after purchasing it from Northfield Gun the week of the theft.

I pray that none of these weapons ever get used on the street! What really sucks, is that due to Federal Policy, I could not recover the serial #s of the Bolt Rifle or the shotgun myself since the retailers I purchased them from were no longer in business at the locations I purchased these 2 guns at in 1996! (Only authorized LE Agencies may request info from Federal ATF forms # 4473 after they are turned over to the ATF storage facility in WV when the FFL licensee's records are surrendered when businesses are closed!

I had updated my firearm inventory in 2005, but it didn't include the 2 ARs I built, 4 new shotguns or 3 new handguns I had acquired since that list was made. I did complete an updated inventory, but that seems a waste of time, as I have sonce sold most of my weapons, save for 1 shotgun, 1 rifle, 3 handguns, and 2 blackpowder guns to pay rent for the last 6 months of 2013!

When finances ever permit, I will be replacing some of what I sold, including my Beretta O/U, an AR or FAL, and a new Sig .45 to replace my 3 .45s I sold (Beretta Cougar, Springfield 1911A1, and custom Wiley Clapp Colt Commander!), and I would like to replace the Remington SPS 700 in .308 I never got to sight in!

My heart breaks thinking about all of the ammunition I had, thousands of rounds for the ARs, the .45s, plus extra magazines both tactical and competitive, all of the custom loaded match ammunition for the National Match, and some 6,000+ rounds of .12 gauge target shot, and clay birds! I lost my custom Beretta trap vest, Browning leather shooting gloves, reloading presses, scales, powder measures and bullet molds, 40 year collection of reloading components, and all of the other shooting items and outdoor/hunting/fishing/sailing gear I no longer have.

And don't get me started on tools and trains! Cameras, home stereo & professional recording studio gear, LPs, DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes, and BOOKS!

I can replace many items, but at a great$$$! The rest are irreplaceable!

My uniforms from FUMA, Citadel, USN, USCG/AUX, and OVC, my patches, ribbons, medals, and awards, my Diplomas and rank certificates, company awards and membership scrolls, and so on and so forth!

I can only imagine the current disposition of my HALO brace from my neck injury in 1985, my leg brace form my 2012 hip surgery, walker with wheels and the hand stitched carry bag I used for PT and OT during stroke rehab at Hanna House! Will those items ever get used again by folks who might need them?

What about my clothes? Will they be cleaned and donated to a shelter of thrift store? Or just thrown in the dumpster?

Enough! I will depress myself unnecessarily 2 days before seeing the state shrink!

I will concentrate on my pending benefits that will allow me to change my status back to having my own bed, pillow, and kitchen, from being homeless!

My true hope and anticipation, is having not just a place, but a home again, that will include one or more cats!

Yes I miss being able to sleep when I am tired, especially comfortably in a bed in the horizontal position, but mostly I miss having a couple of warm kittehs to keep me warm on cold nights, and to just cuddle with at other times!

This is the longest spell (aside from 3 years out of state for schooling) and the 7 years after our leaving Tacoma, before acquiring Kayci in 1976, that I have not been living with cats! This must be rectified soon!

I still tear up when I see the picture of Laci on my desktop screen of my laptop. I really miss that little troublemaker who stole the heart of everyone that ever met her!

End of rant.

(Look for an update after Wednesday's Psych Appointment!)